The need to be loved

so lately i have been pondering about the need that everyone in this world has to be loved by another, everone has the need wether they realize it or not, but i have discovered that most people have the need for love from the opposite sex, especially teenagers, why is it that the teenage harmone desires this kind of love, is it truly love or is it a lustful love. why is it then when one gets out of a realationship that they know they got out of for a good reason, why is it that they want that kind of love back in there lives right away. Its kinda hard to explain what im trying to say really. but girls have this thing it seems that 90% of the time they are the ones that chose to end a relationship for whatever reason, and then they are the one's that look like the bad guy, then the guy is devistated making the girl feel so much more worse and its kinda just a snowball effect after that. but as soon as the girl is over it they all of a sudden want another person to care for them and love them and just have that speacial someone, and the process starts all over again. i guess im just so confused right now because how do you know that the realationship that you are getting into is going to be one that will end happily, one that will last forever, you know finding the right guy to have and to hold for eternity. how do you know he is going to be the right one, how do you let go of past realationships and learn to trust another person in your life, frankly i believe that it is quite scary, and the thought of it is exiting in a way but also scary. And how is it that some couples have known each other all there lives and then one day all of a sudden they are attracted to each other, they had been standing there their whole life and then all of a sudden they begin to feel somehting for that person, but its that kind of awquered beginning it seems, really i dont know anything about love or realtionships, like how fast is to fast, or how to learn to be patient with the situation and let the guy just make the first move, even though they never do, or is it that a women is just to impatient , i think that could be it most of the time, the women doesn't allow the boy enough time to take that step, LOL but really its just a crazy game, the game of love, and you know what i like it, its exiting, even when a person like me has come out of a realtionship where she was almost married, its still a great game, its what you make of it really. the lord wants us to explore our opstions he wants us to date many different people, and get to know many of them, but one day you do have to decide i guess thats the hardest part. LOL this entry is kinda a mess i dont think i really even stated what i wanted to but oh well

LIE'S!

UGH!!!! i hate it when pwople lie, it is one of my biggest pet peaves! seriously there is no need, and then i hate when people justify lieing, there is no justification for it, no matter what under no sercumstances should a person have to lie, it is just better to tell the truth deal with it right then and move on, instead of months later asking the person again and then they finally tell you the truth but things have just gotten worse, seriously lieing is just a waiste of energy, you have to tell more to cover up the first lie, UGH!!! the worst is when you trust somebody so much and then you find out that for most of your life they have been lieing to you oh my heavens that is the worst because you lose all trust in them. if you havent noticed this is something that has recently came up, and it stinks anyways just had to vent a bit LOL happy thursday!

Breaking up

This past week has been eventful, really hard though, let me tell you breaking up is not an easy thing to do its just hell really there isn't any other words to describe it you know, i have been angry and mad and then i cry and am sad and then i miss him and want to be back with him, but then i dont its just all these up and down emotions that go back and forth it is just so hard, i hate it i hate hurting people especially one's that you become so close to and you learn to love so deeply and there family, it is just so hard, i dont know when i will ever see landon again, i do miss him he was so wonderful to me always treated me like a princess, never ever fought and would always take everything that i said in the best way possible never in the wrong way, now how many guys can do that, barely any its crazy how patient and kind he is and how well he understands me. Now breaking up is so hard to do in the first place and a lot of times it is the girl who initiates it, but landon made it so much easier for me he understood what i was saying he didn't try to fight me or win me back by telling me all this mumbo jumbo, he looked at teh big picture and decided you know what she is right, i myself am not ready either, and i know he is being so strong right now. i still love him but when your not ready for something you can't lie to yourself you must do what is best for you and what makes you the happiest in the end, i try to live life without regrets but you know it isnt always possible but i do what i can, i know that this was the best decision for me right now and i know that i will be blessed for it, and so will ladnon for understanding me and wanting me to be happy whatever happens happens you know!

Jenna's Life Today-the beggining

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, really that is said by many people everyday, but i do believe that each day is a new start. I Have recently been engaged to w wonderful guy who makes me so happy, but i also have recently called the engagement off, I love him, but i have so much more growing up to do. Marriage is a huge step in life and one that shpoudlt be taken until you are fully ready. Its a huge reponsibility, but it is also a beautiful thing, for a man and a women to love each other so much that they exchange vows and covenants to be with each other for the rest of their mortal lives and then to make covenants with the lord to Love each other for the rest of eternity. So amazing and so exiting, but there is a time and a place in everyones life, mine just isn't right now, and i am so exited for what the future might bring for me, and who knows we might still make it together, and if that day comes we will be so ready to take on the challenges of marrige because we did it at the right moment. But also who knows my handsome prince charming could be someone else the lord knows, and i have faith in him and whatever happens happens for a reason.

Now speaking of the future what is in store for me at this moment, what are my dreams? well i have many but for a few right now i really want to be excepted into film school wether it is in colorado or salt lake city. i want to truly do what i love, yes i love BYU-Idaho, but i wasn't pursuing something that i truly loved, my all time dream is to be a teacher, but getting there i will have to do things that i just dont like, but right now is my time to live and be happy, right now is my time to just start all over with a clean slate and let my creative mind explode and do somehting that i am good at, somthing that makes me happy, I know that i can do anything i put my mind to i love life im tired of being miserable and sad, im tired of messing up and feeling so low about myself, we only have one chance in this life to be the best we can be, and to everyday be a little better, work a little harder and love a little more. Life comes at you fast and if you dont swing you will strike out.

Other things that i want to do, i wnat to buy a truck, just a small one like a little toyota tacoma or a chevy colorado, thatose things are sweet, but i know that i have to work hard and believe that i can have it, i have to visulize it, and put it out there that i will own one someday. Life is so wonderful! seriously im tired of feeling sorry for myself and being sad, its just to much energy and a waist of time, im just going to have faith that the lord will provide and i am going to pray a whole lot!!